Managing My Obsessions

After allowing over a month to recover from not winning my free trip to Europe (and no, I still have not sent Intrepid Travel a bound copy of my submissions) I decided it was time to get back on the proverbial horse and entertain my obsessive nature again. The word "obsession" does have negative connotation and I do not want to suggest that I view my obsessions in this way. I guess I should call them passions because like passions, they come and go, but to me it sounds too much like something you would read in a Fortune 500 magazine or a Tony Robbins book. I don't think the word is strong enough for my taste.

I guess it started last Christmas. Actually, starting back even further, two years ago, I discovered that the best way to combat my yearly Christmas blues was to watch every live-action made-for-TV Christmas movie available(especially the Lifetime Channel. With the aid of my cable recorder thing (what the heck do you call that feature?) I was able to record every Jacklyn Smith, Crystal Bernard, sappy holiday movie. In many of these movies (of course, not including Jacklyn Smith or especially Crystal Bernard, who got stuck with Steve Guttenberg in the end) there was often the theme of a very handsome man taking an interest in a less attractive woman, thereby, giving hope to all less than attractive women out there. It was good of them, those Lifetime people, spreading the message of hope during holiday season. I found these these made-for-TV movies very entertaining and I spent so much time laughing that I never had the time to succumb to my annual depression. They were a Godsend.

Last year, however, it was more challenging. Lifetime and Oxygen were kind enough to furnish a few new highlights to the holiday lineup but having seen most of the movies already, the effect wasn't as dramatic. There were a few I looked forward to. I always like the ones where the Santa folklore is messed with and Santa is ready to turn the reigns over (literally) to Santa Jr. And there were elves. Some were good, some plotted against Santa, some had their own magical powers. That was all good stuff. However, the reruns weren't keeping the blues away. Then I found The Food Channel.

My first sampling was Rachael Ray's 30 minutes or less. I don't know where I've been, but I had never heard of her before. The first time I saw her was such a jarring experience, I had to have more. I came to know the show as, Cooking on Crack. I'm not an expert in kitchen, by ANY means. I have a few recipes that do not offend and that I can count on, and I don't aspire to do much more. But I sat glued to Rachael and held my neck as I listened to her throaty ramblings and made up words. I can't say I liked her but I couldn't not watch. What's that about?

Then I branched off to Emeril, Bobby Flay and Molto Mario, could not tolerate Paula Dean but found Giada DiLaurentis soothing, Iron Chef, exciting. I watched them cook, go on fantasy vacations, visit restaurants, compete. I watched food. The idea of watching food is strange. The host prepare meals, give instructions and tips I never remember and then they describe the food. Maybe that's what I was in it for. Food porn. I wasn't eating the food, or preparing it for myself or even smelling it. From my couch I could proclaim the food good or bad. I became a culinary commentator like Alton Brown, went on throw downs with Bobby Flay. My romance with food shows continued.

Then I discovered Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel. I consider this show hard core porn for food viewing junkies. It's when you know you've gone down a path and that there is no turning back. Zimmern travels the world in search of strange things to eat. Crickets and worms are mere trifles to Zimmern. This mans delves into rancid meat omelettes, balut (fertilized duck eggs embryos), brains, organs, and yes, bull balls. You name it, he's eaten it. He's the Wide World of Sports of food tasters. He takes delicious pride in his ability to try anything once and even twice, to make a point.

Zimmern's message is simple: By sampling exotic foods from other cultures, we open our minds to another way of life and thus, expand our worldview. I'm not sure the bull would agree but it's a nice sentiment. Put something disgusting in your mouth... world peace! Why not? It makes for an entertaining show.

I'm just curious about why I am watching these shows. Again, maybe it goes back to my Intrepid Travel contest and my obsessive nature. Maybe it has something to do with watching other obsessed people. It gives me a sense of calm to watch someone obsessed with finding the strangest food in the world or make the best sugar sculpture or just cook a meal in under 30 minutes. I know it's just another phase of mine that in time and considering how fickle I can be, I'll get over it and find something new. But for now, it's shiny and bright and me like. Think they have a contest?

Woe is Me!

OK, I know that's a bit dramatic but that's exactly how I felt reading the final winning submission in Intrepid Travel's 30 day contest. I clung to the hope of winning for an entire month and now that the month is over and I haven't won, I do feel let down. Worse that that, I feel ignored. As the last days ticked away, my own submissions lessened. I sent them notes directing them to my blog and then as the last day came and I found I didn't win, I canceled my subscription to their newsletter. Let's face it...I'll never book a trip with them. I know the contest was meant to drum up interest in their company but they just managed to lose me as a customer. Here's the final winner:


saturday 31 March - Hlib Hayuk
Entry - Flamenco dances. Sangria trances. Stolen glances. Remote Spanish villages. Chance of romances.

Hlib Hayuk has won a spot on Intrepid's Inside Andalucia


If he was going for anything that rhymes with "ances" he sort of missed the mark with "Villages." That don't rhyme, Frankenstein.


It's not nice for me to take out my frustrations on the winners, I know. But I don't feel too sorry for someone who just won a trip to Spain. So what will I devote my blog to now? I haven't a clue but I'm sure something will occur to me. Maybe I'll get back to that book I'm supposed to be revising!!


Here are the last submissions I sent to Intrepid's contest:


A spot of luck is what I need, Traveling to Italy does the deal, indeed!

(Trying again to speak their lingo. With this submission, they should feel the sincere hand of friendship reaching out.)



Shout it from the rooftops! Climb the tallest tree! Singing an aria, I Love Italy!!

(Again, not inspired, but it demonstrates what I'd do to visit Italy.)


I've been to Switzerland...but only the airport.
Ah, to go again, but not so short.

(My steam is really running low here. While it's true that I've only visited the airport, I fell short with my rhyme of airport.)


Traveling, my passion, I cannot afford.
Italy, an obsession, get me on board!!

(I express enthusiasm with punctuation. The first line shows sadness and it quickly changes to wild passion. Of course they didn't get that.)

If it was Christmas on Santa I'd sit, ask for Italy without having a fit.

(When I was a child my parents took me to see Santa and I don't believe they ever got a decent picture without me screaming my head off. Asking Santa for a trip to Italy without the hysterics would be a major accomplishment. I wish they knew how much.)

Calcium Alert! I need some cheese! Some chocolate would help and a cool mountain breeze.

(This is one of my later submissions that I actually like. The others show that I have been beaten down by rejection. This shows something original..that I need a trip to Switzerland for nutritional reasons. Now how could they turn that down?)

Where do you find dogs on the Dalmatian Coast? Find them in PUPNAT, of course!!

(Right. So one of the stops on the Dalmatian Coast was a village called, Pupnat. Sorry to say, I have no other association. Hardy har har.)

Raclette, Raclette, sounds like heels, clicking their way to get some Swiss cheese.

(Again, Raclette is a village I've never heard of...but maybe my ignorance is due to never winning a contest to visit the region. This was my last entry and I went out with a putter, not a Raclette.)

With March gone and April starting, I need to look at this time as a time renewal. Spring is here and it's the time of new beginnings. I don't think that Intrepid Travel ever looked at my many submissions or my blog, for that matter. So before I move on, I'll make a point to send them a booklet of all of my entries and demand to be heard. Maybe as a gesture, I'll keep a copy for myself, practice a little voodoo magic and send it up in smoke to release myself from the Madness of March.

End Times

With only four more days left in Intrepid Travel's 30 day contest, I can tell I have little hope in winning the contest. For whatever reason, day after day, they have ignored my multiple submissions and chose instead, boring and insipid ones. Occasionally I would find something of merit in the other winners, but most lacked wit and they weren't that interesting.

It's a good thing the contest is closing. I'm running out of ways to express why I want and deserve to win a trip to Italy or France or England or anywhere. So I feel I'm running to the last day in a kind of putter, huffing and puffing to the very end. It's been a marathon and like all marathons, what matters is that you finish, right? All I have left is revenge in my blood. That sort of thing feeds on itself, anyhow. I'll make a little book and send it to them with all of my submissions and maybe call it, Denied, or something equally pathetic. Sure it won't accomplish anything. But at least I'll get in the last word.

Here are some of the newly ignored submissions:

Get your motor runnin'
Set out on the Highway
Looking for adventure, Cycling the Loire.

(Sure, not my best work. Other winning submissions have borrowed from well known text...peter piper picked a peck of picnics in Provence...ugh, horrible)

La Dolce Vita, an escape from stress
A-Roma-Therapy in an Armani dress.

(This submission has it all. I want to escape stress, but that's not all...I want to do it in style. It embraces the luxury of Italy. I don't want to necessarily wear an Armani dress. I want to metaphorically wear it. Do you think they got that?)

May not be girt by sea
But inspiring Italy..My Country tis' of thee

(Yes, pandering. This borrows from the Australian anthem, describing it as "girt by sea" and to make things worse, My Country Tis' of thee. I like because it's disrespectful to everyone.)

Word to your Mother!
No frontin' fo sho
Pesto with my homies, wantin' some mo! Peace out!

(Ain't it great when white girls try to bust a rhyme?)

A Roman Holiday, an escape most appealing
With pesto to go, set my mind reeling.

(Yes, lame-worthy enough to win. Very very bad.)

Italians, they say, speak with their hands
Italy's my choice, no ifs, buts, or ands!

(I really redeemed myself with this one. I just like it.)

A Bohemian Adventure: there is no doubt.
Here's a place I'd like to Czech out.

(Oldest joke in the world and not very well executed. For shame.)

I see London.
I see France.
I see me picnicking in Provence.

(This relies heavily on the mispronunciation of Provence...pro-vance. That's the funny part.)

I hoping that inspiration overcomes me in the next few days and I'll crack the code to the contest. I was thinking that maybe my American email address automatically disqualified me. They may see AOL and think....ugh, an American, those spoiled brats! So I may do another round of shock and awe with another email address. If that's what it takes to win then shame on them.

11 More Days!!

With only eleven more days of the contest, I was bound to snap. I wasn't exactly being mean. I was frustrated. Since I'm beginning to think that no one was reading my entries, I thought I'd just send in a few to shake things up...just in case they weren't paying attention.

After 40 plus entries I doubt that you read
'Cause your winners are losers,
You must be on weed.

(Well, I DO attack both the decision panel for their bad taste and the winners. Maybe, I should put this one in the SOUR GRAPES file.)

Discovering castles, traipsing amongst vines
Pedaling Loire Valley, My, how it shines.

(Perhaps I stomped my sour grapes and got some rancid wine. This one lacks inspiration. What can I do, though? I'm running out!)

La Dolce Vita, an escape from the stress
A-Roma-Therapy, with olive oil breath!

(Maybe I still have a few up my sleeve.)

99 bottles of beer on the wall,
A Drinking song of yore,
Put me on a barge and I'm sure I'll find some more!)

(Here, again, I assume the Australians at Intrepid are big drinkers.)

Loire Valley, a sparkling gem, it's true
Intrepid Travel takes us there.
Yes, it could be you!!

(Maybe I felt a little bad about attacking Intrepid Travel...just enough to write a suck-up entry.)

Get my giggy up, fo'shizzle, fo sho!
Homie needs a break from dis, Italy's pesto!

(Here's my entry from da hood. I'm writing for the younger crowd. They sure like that rap stuff. I may have a future in this genre. What do you think?)

A Symphony of sights, harmonizing history!
The Bohemian Rhapsody
makes a Queen out of me!

(Now who doesn't love the music of Queen? This entry has so much to offer...alliteration and musical references.)

Now maybe as the days tick by and we're nearing single digits, I am becoming more desperate. Part of me thinks I am more rebellious and in your face!
It's almost as if I know that they'll never let me win and my editing device has been shut off. In a few days, I'll just be sending cryptic messages....monkey leaps to see elephant ears fly. We'll have to try that.

It was only a matter of time...

Before I used the word whore... I believe I predicted it on my first post. I didn't mean to do it but I felt I had been pushed. With so few days left on the Intrepid Travel contest, I was feeling desperate, angry and frustrated that I hadn't won anything yet. Granted, the winning entries are improving. But I can't help feeling like they aren't reading all of the entries I'm sending. Here is the aforementioned entry:

In La Dolce Vita Fellini explores
A landscape of Italians, with freaks and with whores

(Now, anyone who knows anything about Fellini knows that he was always searching for unusual faces. I don't claim to be a Fellini connoisseur, but even I know that. I happen to really like this entry.)

In La Dolce Vita Fellini explores,
A landscape of Italians, the beautiful, the bizarre.
(This is my more P.C. version and I don't like it as much!)

I am pining for the pines of Rome,
For it's pesto and frescoes and Bernini's dome.

(I remember I hadn't quite reached a high frustration level when I wrote this one...yet. And I happen to really like it. In 15 words I managed to take an entire tour. I felt good for having written it.)

Italy: Intoxicating, Intrepid, inspiring imagery, imbued with incognito icons with intimate intentions. Immortal.

(Some other winner applied alliteration using the letter 'M'. Using the letter 'I' is much more challenging and therefore, I should win.)

An adventure unique and full of mystique...Why, it's Jubrique I seek!

(EEK! This one is for the Andalucian adventure trip. I had no idea where Jubrique was, either.)

In Italy an important word is "Ciao!"
Whether coming or going, the effect is WOW!
(or)
I'd like to be there now
(0r)
the gatti still say MEOW!

(Take your pick. It was going so well until the very end.)

Va bene, Buon Giorno are phrases I've learned
Andiamo Amici, La Dolce Vita I've earned.

(AND HOW! I also sent one with the ending...It's La Dolce Vita I yearn...for. I know. I'm forcing it. Gotta get out of the rhymey rhymey theme.)

Quando sono piccola
(When I was little)
Ho un sogno incedibile
(I had an incredible dream)
Ho sentito l'aria
(I heard the aria)
La Donna Mobile
(an aria from Rigoletto...roughly, women are wayward)

(or)
D'italia nella primavera, e' possibile
(Of Italy in the spring, it is possible)

(Yes, I'm being a jerk. I was assuming they don't speak English since they hadn't awarded me a prize yet!)

The art, the music, the scenery inspiring. The pasta, the vino: La Dolce Vita.

(I wasn't feeling the love. Losing hope and uninspired.)

After 40 plus entries, I doubt that you read
'Cause your winners are losers. You must be on weed.

(That's just plain mean. I didn't send it, don't worry. But I really wanted to.)

La Dolce Vita, an escape from the stress
A-Roma-Therapy with olive oil breath.

(This has a few connotations. Maybe I have olive oil breath...or maybe someone else does. Let the imagination take you where it may.)

With 14 more days left in the contest I can't help but feel a little depressed. With some of the stellar entries already passed over (or more likely ignored!) I just don't know how I can keep the quality at a high level. I did come across another contest through Travel and Leisure asking for anecdotal travel stories. I have them, but my most interesting stories are probably inappropriate. What I find amusing would be most likely considered in bad taste. Such is my plight!

Faith Waning

According to the Intrepid website, there are only 22 days left in the contest. Last night when I checked the winning submissions, a swell of excitement rose in my chest as I saw the name TRACY, listed. Then I scrolled down to see the surname Stapleton. They're toying with me, I'm sure. So I did another round of Shock and Awe, entering every single entry again. This doesn't take as long as you'd think. With American Idol results playing in the background, I felt a little like the rejected Idols... betrayed. In a fit of frustration, as a submission I entered my blog address. Am I jerk? Damn right, I am!

With the added angst of the evening, inspiration hit me and I believe I did some of my best work. Here are the new submissions. Maybe less is more:

Eating a croissant, spreading the brie
Cycling Loire Valley, forgetting ennui

(Granted, the use of the word spreading is suggestive. If sex sells, I'm all for it.)

Bangers and Mash
Chugging the ale
Sailing a barge
Explore Hill and Dale

(This submission is dependant on the idea that the Australian Intrepid staffers are beer drinkers. It's a stereotype I count on.)

When I think of England, it's not just Shakespeare,
But Bangers and Mash and large pints of beer.

(Yes, embrace those stereotypes!)

Biting my nails, picking my nose
Need a trip to England, everything blows!

(My angst again. Let it out! Use the pain!)

Provence leaves impressions
Ask Cezanne or Monet
The picnic is gravy
In this case, Bernais

(I'm referring to the Picnic in Provence trip offered. I consider this one the piece de resistance. Hmmmm, piece de resistance rhymes with Provence, France, Dance, etc...)

I know I'm getting a little rhymey rhymey, but it does take some skill.
But to win the contest, you must go in for the kill.

Yes, it has come to this. Is it desperation? My brain just can't stop. When April rolls around, will I still compose these ditties? I'll continue the contest with or without them! That'll show 'em!

Obsession

What started out as a harmless way to exercise my brain has turned into an obsession. I originally planned on submitting one entry per day to the Intrepid Travel Company, thinking that at least one of entries would win.
As the days ticked by, I observed that each day they seemed to have a particular destination in mind. So, I thought, if I resubmitted each of old entries everyday, I'd stand a greater chance at winning. Still no luck, yet. Shock and awe was not increaing my chances, as of yet.

Since there are a few locations that haven't been given away yet (i.e. Cycling the Loire Valley and a Barge trip throught England), I thought I should focus my mind on those places. Here are a few of the submissions:

Cycling the Loire Valley, tour taken slow
Invited to wedding there
Thought you should know.

The crux of this submission is that I have friends getting married. May not help. Dunno.

Cycling Loire Valley
Chateaus galore
May never want to leave or say, "Au Revoir"

(Very tempted to use the word 'whore,' but I resisted. As the month goes on, I may break down.)

Cycling through the Valley of the Loire
Life takes on color
Not just blanc et noir

(I just liked this one. It's visual.)

Sipping good wine, Nipping at Brie,
Cycling Loire Valley, Skipping with glee.

(what do they call those? Gerunds?)

A Haiku
Winning a free trip
Requires the use of some Zen
Project: Loire Valley

(Yes, I need to try all forms of expression. A heavy alliteration entry won yesterday. Damn them!)

Fragrant heather on the hills sway gently, As I float peacefully, down the Leeds/Liverpool Canal.

(This is my sucky entry. Entries like this one are winning. No kidding.)

Over Hill, Over Dale
Not to Grandmother's house, oh no!
Riding a barge, an anglophile

(Again, it's lame. But lame is winning.)

With a hey nonny nonny
The canals a-cruising I go
Nonny No Nonny no

(Borrowing from the English Madrigal tradition)

It was a lover and his lass
Amongst the hills and dales they pass.

(again more madrigals)

God save the queen and all that jive
Rocking on a barge and feeling alive!

(I thought the use of the word 'jive' would appeal to the baby boomer generation. Seems like a rock song lyric. It's a little...in your face to da man. Forgive me. I was watching American Idol.)

I dream of England
And I make a quick Haiku
A Barge carries me

(I like the structure of Haiku. Plus I thought I should be obvious about it.)

Here are a few others I just threw in just in case:

Yugoslavia may not exist, it's called something new.
Throw in the hamhocks, we've got stew.

(At least I didn't use the word eschew)

Holy Gnocchi,Batman! La Dolce Vita's in Italy and the sweet life's for me!

(Need I remind you that someone gave "why not?" as a reason to win a trip to Italy?)

A vacation of precision with more surprises than a Swiss army knife. Switzerland!

(My husband, Shannon, fashioned this one after reading the winning submissions.)

I have some money to stash
Get me to Switzerland...Fast!!

(As if!)

Switzerland! You can't be neutral about it!

(seems like a good advertisement)

Traveling to Switzerland
I must be delusional
With an oportunity like this
How can I be neu-tr-al

(I know you know Switzerland is a neutral country. Let's hope they know.)

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
In Switzerland I'd sing
Yo-del-lay-hee-hoo!!

(This one was my daughter, Molly's. She has real promise.)

The first week of the contest is over and I have submitted 27 entries. Borderline embarassing. But more embarrassing is that I haven't won yet. I will persevere. Till next time.