End Times

With only four more days left in Intrepid Travel's 30 day contest, I can tell I have little hope in winning the contest. For whatever reason, day after day, they have ignored my multiple submissions and chose instead, boring and insipid ones. Occasionally I would find something of merit in the other winners, but most lacked wit and they weren't that interesting.

It's a good thing the contest is closing. I'm running out of ways to express why I want and deserve to win a trip to Italy or France or England or anywhere. So I feel I'm running to the last day in a kind of putter, huffing and puffing to the very end. It's been a marathon and like all marathons, what matters is that you finish, right? All I have left is revenge in my blood. That sort of thing feeds on itself, anyhow. I'll make a little book and send it to them with all of my submissions and maybe call it, Denied, or something equally pathetic. Sure it won't accomplish anything. But at least I'll get in the last word.

Here are some of the newly ignored submissions:

Get your motor runnin'
Set out on the Highway
Looking for adventure, Cycling the Loire.

(Sure, not my best work. Other winning submissions have borrowed from well known text...peter piper picked a peck of picnics in Provence...ugh, horrible)

La Dolce Vita, an escape from stress
A-Roma-Therapy in an Armani dress.

(This submission has it all. I want to escape stress, but that's not all...I want to do it in style. It embraces the luxury of Italy. I don't want to necessarily wear an Armani dress. I want to metaphorically wear it. Do you think they got that?)

May not be girt by sea
But inspiring Italy..My Country tis' of thee

(Yes, pandering. This borrows from the Australian anthem, describing it as "girt by sea" and to make things worse, My Country Tis' of thee. I like because it's disrespectful to everyone.)

Word to your Mother!
No frontin' fo sho
Pesto with my homies, wantin' some mo! Peace out!

(Ain't it great when white girls try to bust a rhyme?)

A Roman Holiday, an escape most appealing
With pesto to go, set my mind reeling.

(Yes, lame-worthy enough to win. Very very bad.)

Italians, they say, speak with their hands
Italy's my choice, no ifs, buts, or ands!

(I really redeemed myself with this one. I just like it.)

A Bohemian Adventure: there is no doubt.
Here's a place I'd like to Czech out.

(Oldest joke in the world and not very well executed. For shame.)

I see London.
I see France.
I see me picnicking in Provence.

(This relies heavily on the mispronunciation of Provence...pro-vance. That's the funny part.)

I hoping that inspiration overcomes me in the next few days and I'll crack the code to the contest. I was thinking that maybe my American email address automatically disqualified me. They may see AOL and think....ugh, an American, those spoiled brats! So I may do another round of shock and awe with another email address. If that's what it takes to win then shame on them.